


Truth be Told (I Never was Yours)

by yumetourou



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Exes to Lovers, Infidelity, M/M, Post College!AU, Winkdeep, exes!au, im so sorry daehwi you dont deserve this i love you, jinhwi, ongniel (mentioned for like a second)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 21:11:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15324417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yumetourou/pseuds/yumetourou
Summary: The thing about first love is, you never really forget it.





	Truth be Told (I Never was Yours)

**Author's Note:**

> sequel to [this](https://twitter.com/w1aus/status/999160759832608768?s=21)
> 
> please read it first! there’s references to it throughout this fic
> 
> note - jinyoung is 27 in this and all the age gaps are canon

Jinyoung intertwined his and Daehwi’s hands, the two sitting at their regular table for their weekly coffee dates. The shop staffs always smiled warmly at the couple; some of the older workers remembering when they were young and falling for each other. Jinyoung absentmindedly played with the silver ring on Daehwi’s finger, a subconscious habit of his whenever he was in thought. Daehwi found it adorable.

“What’s on your mind, Jinyoung?” Daehwi didn’t expect an answer, Jinyoung always brushed it off as nothing.

“It’s nothing important,” came the usual, nonchalant reply that was accompanied with a shrug of his shoulders. Though Jinyoung acted like it was fine, Daehwi knew. There was one thing Jinyoung never wanted to talk about, one thing he always froze at the mention of. One thing that Daehwi had been trying to get him to open up about for the past seven years.

* * *

_After Jihoon had told Jinyoung he wasn't willing to try, Jinyoung experienced his first heartbreak. That night, he drowned his sorrows in alcohol. After throwing up in the washroom, he stumbled towards the bed and flopped face-down onto it. The comforter grew wet with his tears. A crushing emptiness overwhelmed him, threatening to consume him alive. He hated Park Jihoon with all his being. He hated himself for the fact that he was lying to himself. He still loved Jihoon, even after he had humiliated him. And he probably always would._

* * *

“Jinyoung?” Daehwi’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“You spaced out again. You need to stop doing that.” Disappointment was written all over Daehwi’s face as he pouted, knowing the action tugged at Jinyoung’s heartstrings.

“Sorry about that, I was just thinking about something.”

“I know you were, you got that distant look on your face again. Oh, by the way,” Daehwi smiled at him like he had a secret to tell, “my friend, Jaehwan, came back from the states yesterday. He said he met someone that knows us? I have no idea who it is, but they want to meet up with us. And I kind of invited them to this cafe, at this time.”

“Oh?” The question on Jinyoung’s lips was lost as the door slammed open and a loud, round-cheeked man ran at Daehwi. Daehwi’s clear laugh filled the small cafe and Jinyoung couldn’t help but smile.

“Jaehwan, this is my fiancé, Jinyoung.” Jaehwan turned to Jinyoung and took his hand in both of his, heartily shaking it. His hands were clammy and Jinyoung wiped his own on his shirt. Jaehwan took the seat next to Daehwi and started assaulting Jinyoung with questions.

“How did you and Daehwi meet?”

“We’ve known each other since childhood but we started dating in college.”

“Oh! My friend said he knew you in college.” Jinyoung’s mind reeled at the potential suspects, the first two in his head being Woojin or Guanlin. Not them, they had seen them within the past two weeks. Jisung? No, he was touring Europe on his own. Sungwoon? They hadn’t heard from Sungwoon in a while, but the last time they had spoken he had secured a job at a large corporation in Korea. Definitely _not_ America, which is where Jaehwan was returning from. Seongwoo? He had moved to the coast with his boyfriend, Daniel. There was only one other person he could think of that had known them both in college, the one person he dreaded seeing most.

“Oh, speak of the devil, here he is now!” Jinyoung didn't look as the door swung open yet again, the all too familiar scent of fresh rain surrounding him. Daehwi was too engaged in his conversation with Jaehwan to notice the fact that Park Jihoon, in all his glory, had slid himself into the vacant seat next to Jinyoung. He slung his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders, seeing and ignoring Jinyoung’s hand still intertwined with Daehwi’s. Like a ragdoll, Jinyoung was pulled towards Park Jihoon as the latter leaned much too close to his neck.

“Long time no see, babe. How have you been doing?” Jihoon’s whispers were like needles piercing Jinyoung’s skin. He half expected Jihoon to press a kiss to his neck like he had so many years ago at a college party full of regrets.

“Daehwi,” Jinyoung smiled at his fiancé as he shoved Jihoon off of him, “I think its time to go, is it not?”

“So soon?” Jinyoung’s implications were lost on Daehwi. Smile still plastered across his face, he tried to communicate to Daehwi with his eyes. _Please, Daehwi._  Daehwi looked from him to Jihoon and registered Jihoon’s arm around Jinyoung before nodding in agreement.

“You’re right actually, I have errands to do. See you soon, Jaehwan.” As Jinyoung detached Jihoon’s arm from his shoulders and stood up, the older man flashed him a pout.

“Ah, it’s a shame. I wanted to catch up with you, Jinyoung. Hold on-” he pulled a pen out of his jacket pocket and scribbled something on Jinyoung’s hand, “Hope you can make it. I’ve missed you.” Jinyoung didn’t bother looking at his hand before turning his back on Jihoon and walking away, leaving Daehwi to follow after him. Once they were a safe distance away from the cafe, Daehwi piped up.

“Was that-”

“Park Jihoon? Yeah, and I confirmed that I never want to see him again.” They continued the rest if the trip home in silence.

Once they had arrived back at their shared apartment, Jinyoung retreated to the bedroom while Daehwi decided on what to prepare for dinner. He stole a glance at the scribbles on his hand.

_One week._

* * *

_As soon as the deciding message was sent, Jihoon was filled with regret. He set down his phone before he dropped it, he was shaking so much. Ragged sobs escaped his lips and he struggled to breathe, like he was being suffocated. Hot tears tracked down his cheeks - seemingly without end - and threatened to drown him. He wanted nothing more than to apologize to Jinyoung, to take it all back, but his number was blocked. He wanted to run over to Jinyoung’s dorms and beg for forgiveness, to tell him that he regretted everything. To tell him that he was willing to try, that his feelings were true and real and scaring the living hell out of him because he’d never felt that way about anyone. He wanted to be Jinyoung’s and he wanted Jinyoung to be his. But he couldn't._

_Because Jinyoung hated him,_

_Because Jinyoung felt used,_

_Because Jinyoung thought it was all a game,_

_Because it was never a game,_

_Because feelings had gotten involved,_

_And there was no going back on that._

* * *

Despite all rational parts of his brain screaming at him to stop, Jinyoung found himself in the same cafe one week later, without Daehwi. It was like some unknown force of nature had drawn him here, but it also wasn't. He knew why he was here. _Park Jihoon_ , who was sitting in front of him looking like he wanted to eat Jinyoung up. He still wore the same fresh rain cologne from years ago, and despite associating it with Jihoon, Jinyoung couldn't bring himself to hate the scent. It brought him back to college parties and inexperienced yet enthusiastic kisses, to that cursed fourth-period literature class, to watching Woojin and Jihoon play video games on the floor of Guanlin’s dorm, and of course, it brought him back to when he was young and in love with Park Jihoon. Park Jihoon whom he hated, yet didn't, who taught him what love and heartbreak were, and, most importantly, taught him to not let himself get used. The same Park Jihoon that plagued his thoughts - both waking and dreaming - for the past seven years.

“So, Bae Jinyoung, how have you been since I last saw you?”

“It’s Lee Jinyoung now.” Jihoon’s eyes grew wide in mock astonishment.

“Wow, hitched already? They move on so fast.”

“The wedding is next month, but I prefer Lee Jinyoung.” Jinyoung tried to keep his voice level and calm, but eventually gave up and let annoyance creep in on the last words. Jihoon feigned false hurt and clutched his chest, as if Jinyoung had somehow broken his heart. Funny how these things work.

“What, and no invitation for me?” Jinyoung scoffed at the display, not wanting to give Jihoon the reaction he clearly craved.

“Why would I send an invitation to someone I hate?”

“Ouch, okay, rub it in why don’t you.” Jihoon suddenly became cold, giving Jinyoung a frosty glare, before resuming to his original flirty tone. The moment was so fleeting that Jinyoung could have imagined it. “Anyways, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Jihoon leaned forward onto the table, his eyes accentuated by the same dark blue contacts from college.

“What is there to talk about? You disappeared after that year and I got over you, I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“I disappeared to America to get a degree in acting, and I made a name for myself over there. Anyone else would be _honoured_ to go on a date with me.” A lazy smirk was plastered across Jihoon’s face, and Jinyoung felt like he was going to throw up what little coffee he had managed to drink.

“This is _not_ a date. In case you’re forgetting, I’m engaged.” Jinyoung tapped his own ring, the silver a darker shade and a contrast to the pale silver of Daehwi’s. Jihoon shrugged off the warning and continued his musings.

“You were never one to focus on the arts that much though, were you? You were always focusing on your studies; a teacher’s pet.”

“I’m actually an author now, which is considered an art. Not that you’d know though, you were never one for using your brain.” Jihoon looked vaguely hurt and Jinyoung smiled to himself, proud that his insult had hit home.

“Why’d you do it, anyways?” Jinyoung had been wondering this for the past seven years, and now was the perfect time to ask.

“Do what?”

“You know, reject me. Humiliate me. Lead me on. Break my heart. All those things, why’d you do them?” Jihoon’s eyes grew wide and he looked genuinely shocked, at a loss for words. In the silence, Jinyoung continued. “You know, I trusted you. I was ready to give myself to you completely, I was ready to have something with you. To have a future with you, yet you threw that all away. Do you know how empty I felt after that? How much it hurt? I thought it was my fault, I blamed myself for months. I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, and I hated myself. Why would you get my hopes up just to do that to me?” Jinyoung’s words hung heavily in the air, the cafe falling silent to listen to him. Jihoon stared at him, jaw dropped.

“Jinyoung, I loved you-” Jinyoung cut him off by slamming his fist against the table.

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t love me then, and you don’t now, so I don’t know what you want from me. To talk? There’s nothing to talk about. You broke my heart, that’s it. You never loved me, you’re just a selfish asshole who leads people on and plays with their hearts. I don’t have anything else to say to you. Goodbye, Jihoon.” He stormed out of the cafe with a slam of the door, not looking back. Only when he knew he was out of Jihoon’s sight did he let the tears fall.

* * *

_Jinyoung thought he wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship, still nursing his hurt over Jihoon despite two years passing. Daehwi had an astronomical crush on Jinyoung, and wasn't willing to give up on him. He had been given up on once already, he didn't deserve that again. On the evening of Jinyoung's graduation, Daehwi had a plan. A plan to help heal Jinyoung’s broken heart. After the ceremony ended, Daehwi pulled Jinyoung into a tight hug._

_“Congrats, Jinyoungie!” The nickname easily slipped out, despite Daehwi being a year younger. They stayed in each other’s embrace for a moment too long before pulling away, a faint blush dusting both boys’ cheeks._

_“Oh!” Daehwi jumped when he remembered his goal. “I got you a present.” Jinyoung looked at him inquisitively, not expecting anything. Daehwi dug through his pockets before finally producing a small orange box tied with a silver ribbon. Jinyoung gently untied the ribbon and peeked into the box, his eyes met with the sparkle of gold. Daehwi had gotten him a golden bracelet._

_“Daehwi… how?” Jinyoung was truly astonished and touched at the gift, feeling tears well in his eyes. Daehwi looked bashful as he scratched the back of his head, smiling awkwardly at Jinyoung._

_“I worked a lot and saved my money, and, truthfully, I had a bit of help from Woojin.” Jinyoung immediately slipped the bracelet onto his wrist and pulled Daehwi into a hug, trying not to stain his rented suit with tears._

_“Thank you so much, I love it.”_

_“Ah, I have one more thing,” Daehwi pulled away and took Jinyoung’s hands in his own, “will you go on a date with me?” Jinyoung’s face fell._

_“Daehwi…”_

_“Just one date Jinyoung, it doesn’t have to lead to anything. One date. Can you do that?” Jinyoung pressed his lips together and nodded._

_“One date. I can do that.”_

* * *

Daehwi was out of town for the weekend, on one of the many business trips that came with working for Woojin’s family company. The distance was never too hard for them, the trips were short and sometimes Jinyoung needed the apartment to himself. Plus, they always made sure to video chat when they could. The one downside to having Daehwi gone was the fact that he was the one who usually woke Jinyoung up in the mornings, meaning that in his absence Jinyoung regularly slept until noon or later. He jolted awake to the sound of his phone ringing loudly, much louder than usual. He must have turned up the ringer without noticing. He groaned and checked the time before answering. It was four in the afternoon - the latest he’d slept yet. He groggily answered the phone, praying that it was just a question. He did _not_ want to go out tonight.

“Hello?” His voice scratched after not being used for hours.

“Hi Jinyoung!” A deep and too-cheerful voice came through the speaker.

“Guanlin? You never phone me, what’s up?” Jinyoung was suddenly awake, worried something had happened to Daehwi.

“Nothing important,” came Guanlin’s reply, “nothing to do with Daehwi, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Jinyoung breathed a sigh of relief into the receiver, not caring if Guanlin heard him or not. “I was wondering though, if you wanted to go drinking with me tonight? I haven’t gotten to catch up with you recently.” _Great,_ thought Jinyoung, _exactly what I_ **_didn’t_ ** _want._

“Guanlin, I…” Jinyoung trailed off, not wanting to hurt Guanlin’s feelings.

“Aww come on, just one evening? Pleeeaaaase?” From years of knowing Guanlin, Jinyoung knew that he always got his way. It didn’t help that everyone had a soft spot for him.

“Fine, but if you throw up in front of me again I’m never going out with you again.”

“I promise I won’t do that ever again!” The phone clicked, signifying that Guanlin had hung up. Jinyoung smiled at Guanlin’s enthusiasm, ever the baby of their friend group even after they had all graduated. He fell back onto the pillow, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep before he had to meet Guanlin. What time had they arranged again? _Shit._ Jinyoung jolted into a sitting position, frantically dialling Guanlin’s number back.

* * *

The bass drum thudded in Jinyoung’s stomach, the lights flashed in his eyes. This dark building was more of a club than a bar, but Guanlin hadn't thrown up yet, so he was bound by his promise to stay. The alcohol burned his throat after he downed another shot, squeezing his eyes shut to stop the room from spinning as Guanlin laughed. He never really went out of his way to drink, but he didn't turn down the opportunity when alcohol was available. After slamming down the glass, he decided that he had met his limit for that night. Any more and it might be him vomiting, not Guanlin.

“So,” Guanlin piped up from beside him, “how’s wedding planning going?” Jinyoung tipped his head back, eyes still closed.

“Tiring,” he sighed, “so many things to book and not enough phones to book them with.”

“Sounds rough,” Guanlin agreed. It was two weeks before the wedding, and things were quickly catching up on all of them. Jinyoung blinked his eyes open, and immediately the room started to spin. He tried to stand up to stop it, but that only made it worse. The pounding of the music seemed to travel from his stomach to his head, he couldn't hear Guanlin asking if he was okay. He felt the contents of his stomach rise to his throat and tried to walk towards the bathroom, his movements like that of a baby deer. He made it about three steps before stumbling into a stranger's arms.

“You look like you need a bathroom,” the voice seemed familiar to Jinyoung, but he couldn’t place it, “I’ll take you there. You’re not in a state to walk right now.” Before he could argue, Jinyoung was promptly dragged to the nearest washroom.

After Jinyoung had emptied his stomach into one of the toilets, he staggered out of the stall to thank his saviour. The fluorescent lights burned his eyes and made his head pound even harder. Turning the corner, the sight made his knees buckle in shock. The sight of Park Jihoon leaning against the tiled wall, waiting for someone. Waiting for Jinyoung. Jihoon’s instincts kicked in and he ran over to Jinyoung, catching him before he hit the floor.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Jinyoung managed to cough out.

“Well for the second time tonight I’m stopping you from falling flat on your ass in public, but in a general sense, I went out tonight because Woojin invited me and I haven’t seen him in a while, and I’m not one to turn down a good drink or two.”

“So you _have_ been drinking,” Jinyoung muttered to himself, but Jihoon was close enough to hear him.

“And here you are in my arms, just like back then.”

“Just like back then,” Jinyoung nodded as the tears began to fall, not knowing why he was crying and not caring enough to stop it. Alcohol did weird things to the brain. In any other situation, Jinyoung would have run away, but with Jihoon, it felt okay. It felt _safe._ He brought his left hand up to Jihoon’s cheek and caressed it, almost breaking into a whole new fit of crying when when the latter gave him a sad look.

“I missed you Jihoon, I missed you so much,” he confessed through tears.

“I missed you too.” Jihoon whispered, removing Jinyoung’s hand from his face. Gripping onto his hands Jinyoung let Jihoon help him to his feet. He let Jihoon slip his ring off his finger and into his pocket. Soon, his back was against the wall and Jihoon’s lips were against his. He kissed hard enough to bruise, and Jinyoung loved every second of it. He expected something in the back of his head to scream at him to stop, but it didn’t. It couldn’t, not when kissing Jihoon felt so right. Jihoon pulled away and dragged him out of the washroom and over to where Guanlin sat, still looking shaken over Jinyoung’s sudden collapse. He leaned on Jihoon for support, not sure why Jihoon had pulled away so quickly and legs still weak.

“Guanlin, hi, long time no see. Jinyoung here is about to collapse for the third time in 20 minutes, so I think it’s best for him to leave. I’ll call us both a cab and take him home, okay?” Guanlin nodded dumbly, still unsure how Jinyoung could even tolerate Jihoon’s presence. Jihoon briskly turned on his heel, Jinyoung groggily following in his suit. If Guanlin noticed that their hands were intertwined, he didn’t mention it.

Once they were outside, Jinyoung breathed in the fresh air like he had been deprived of it for years. Jihoon quickly called a cab while Jinyoung still leaned against him.

“Jinyoung, what’s your address?” Jihoon simply wanted to get him home safe, but Jinyoung had other plans.

“I wanna go to your place,” he slurred, barely coherent, quite a difference from the articulate way he usually spoke. Jihoon nodded silently, telling the cab driver the address of the bed and breakfast where he was staying temporarily, all while rubbing circles on Jinyoung’s back.

* * *

_One date turned to two, two to three, three to four, and so on. After a year of going on dates with him, Jinyoung officially asked Daehwi to be his boyfriend when the younger graduated. He still wore the gold bracelet Daehwi had gotten him, and managed to save up to get him a (less expensive) somewhat matching one. Even if the sparkle of the bracelet had faded, the sparkle in their eyes never did. Both were hesitant about officially dating at first, but soon that hesitation bloomed into love, or what they thought was love. Despite being with Daehwi, Jinyoung’s thoughts occasionally wandered to those nights he had spent in Jihoon’s arms. Daehwi knew that he hadn't fully forgotten Jihoon, but he didn't bring it up. Any worries he had about it were soon demolished when Jinyoung said yes to his proposal on their five-year anniversary. Despite the love Jinyoung showered him with, he knew it wasn't the same. He knew that Jinyoung hadn't been the same since he had stopped talking to Jihoon, but he didn't push him. Everyone heals differently, right?_

* * *

Jinyoung woke up with an unfamiliar warmth around his waist, in an unfamiliar room. He had no idea where he was or how he had gotten here, and fear started to bloom in the pit of his stomach. He rubbed his eyes and stretched, elbowing Jihoon in the face and waking him up. Jihoon jumped in surprise and both made eye contact before Jinyoung shoved Jihoon into the wall and scrambled away from him, staring at him like a deer in the headlights. In his tired state, Jihoon hadn't predicted Jinyoung’s reaction and his head collided with the surface behind him. Rubbing the injured area, he muttered to himself.

“Ever the ray of sunshine in the morning, aren’t we Jinyoungie?” Jinyoung was still staring at him with eyes so wide Jihoon feared they would fall out of his head. Jinyoung’s morning voice was different from their college days, it was deeper and raspier. Jihoon was taken aback when he spoke, not used to him sounding like that.

“Did we..?” He didn’t have to finish the sentence for Jihoon to understand his implication.

“No, you passed out before anything like that could happen. You’re still touchy when you’re drunk though.” Jinyoung turned bright red and he hid his face in his face in his hands, causing Jihoon to laugh.

“Oh God, you remember?”

“Yeah, and you’re still cute when you’re flustered too.” What Jihoon thought laughter turned out to be Jinyoung crying, and he quickly put a hand on his back to comfort him. “Jinyoungie, what’s wrong?”

“I missed you so fucking much Jihoon, so much. I thought you hated me. That was the only reason i could come up with for you leaving me; that I wasn’t good enough for you.” Jihoon pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back, letting him cry.

“I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough, but I am. I left you because I was scared, and selfish. I had never felt the way I felt about you before, and it scared me so much. I loved you, Jinyoung, and I still do. When I broke your heart, I broke mine too.”

“I love you too, I never stopped.” Neither knew how to continue after their (prolonged) confession, both not expecting to ever tell the other he loved him, and both never expecting to hear it back. After a moment of silence, Jihoon did the only thing he could think of. He kissed Jinyoung. Different from their last kiss, Jihoon tried to communicate seven years of love seven years too late. He knew he didn't deserve a second chance, but he was thankful for one nonetheless. This time, he wouldn't fuck up. Jinyoung pulled away and started laughing, music to Jihoon’s ears after only hearing insults and crying come from his mouth.

“You asshole, you really made me wait seven years for this.”

“Seven years for the best, babe. Seven’s a lucky number.” Jihoon was filled with relief, but there was still one tiny problem.

“Hmm? Where’s my ring?” Jihoon nodded towards the jeans he had worn yesterday, casually discarded in a pile with the rest of his dirty clothes. “Ah, you can keep it.” Jihoon felt his cheeks grow red.

“Lee Jinyoung, are you proposing to me?”

“It’s Bae Jinyoung now. And you wish, I have to keep you waiting a few years.”

“What about Daehwi?”

“I’ll talk to him when he gets back, I’m sure he’ll understand. I think he knew I never got over you.” Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Jihoon, pulling him close and holding him tight. “For now, I’m all yours.”

* * *

Daehwi knew what Jinyoung meant when he phoned him, his voice solemn and telling him they needed to talk. He knew that as soon as Park Jihoon stepped through those cafe doors, Jinyoung was no longer his. He never fully was in the first place. For the past five and a half years, Daehwi knew he was a replacement. He knew, yet he still let himself get pulled into Jinyoung’s mess. He couldn't even find it in himself to be mad at Jinyoung, at least he was honest.

And, truth be told, he never was Jinyoung’s, and Jinyoung was never his.

* * *

Jinyoung intertwined his and Jihoon’s hands, absentmindedly playing with the gold wedding band on Jihoon’s finger. It was their five year anniversary, and their friends had thrown them a small surprise party in Daehwi’s new apartment. As they watched the fairy lights flicker in the darkness, they couldn’t be happier.

**Author's Note:**

> btw - don’t cheat, kids. i don’t condone it. it worked for this particular story but that doesn’t mean it’s right.


End file.
